Who She Is

Listening to the internal tide

Her mattress an echo chamber crackling

Rippling out in a thousand creaks

Mimicking the catching of her lungs


Fabric of time trips up

Streams forward then

Slips sideways


A rolling fuselage

Across abandoned plains

Whistling grass in

A forgotten runway


Tortured hysteria as

Child ripped from breast

Wail tearing skies

Anguish trained refined focused


To soldering blue flame



First published in Pulp Poets Press: 



Health&Wholeness Equation


Exercise + Good Nutrition + Leisure activities + Mental stimulation / Learning + Positive Environment + Social life / Community + Spiritual Growth + Absence of Sickness / Injury / Disability / Acute Stress + Sufficient Sleep + Work and creative fulfillment + Youth = Health&Wholeness


What do you think of this equation? Not exactly rocket science, eh!

More like, plain ol’ common sense.


But let’s go to the trouble of spelling it out, if only to underline a few obvious-but-overlooked facts.


Fact 1: Seasons

As we walk along this journey called life, we walk through different seasons, different circumstances.


Fact 2: Farewell factors

Because of Fact 1, our Health&Wholeness Equation is constantly shifting, fluctuating.

Certain factors on the left side of the equation diminish, or disappear altogether. Some, never to return.

(For the majority of the world’s population, one or more of these factors, will always be absent.)


Fact 3: Equilibrium

To the degree a certain factor disappears, to an equal degree the other left-side factors grow in significance.

If Health&Wholeness are to be maintained, that is.



Practically speaking, what can that mean?


  • The sanity of a new mother depends on napping when baby does, and having a friend over for coffee every now and again.
  • A young adult, living and working in a toxic environment, manages to maintain mental normalcy because of an online writing course.
  • A couple in their 50s discover the fun and benefit of exercise and healthy eating for the first time in their lives.
  • A recently-made widow thrives in the midst of grief because of a supportive community and a renewed passion for gardening.


Personal Consequences

Practically speaking, what does the Health&Wholeness Equation mean for you, what does it mean for me, at this point in our lives?


And do current circumstances mean having to rethink current priorities?


Reality checking our own individual circumstances. So we can reset, upgrade our own individual priorities.


‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!’


What is your unique version of lemon juice going to taste like this week?


9 lessons I learned in 9 months of stress


Might have guessed it

In the interests of transparency, here’s an update of ‘6 lessons I learned in 6 months of major stress’. Yes, you’ve guessed it: though the worst of the storm was indeed over, buffeting winds continued.

Pathetic as it may sound, I even found myself revisiting my own blog post just to be reminded of how to keep going.

So, here are the original 6 lessons, plus 3 extra learned along the way…


To be clear, this was not one lesson learned per month; my life at least is not that cut and dried. In fact, let this untidy caveat be about Lesson One: Real Life is, more often than not, an utter mess.


Lesson Two: Night

When curled up in a fetal position overwhelmed and whimpering, or crying hard, ugly tears of despair, don’t expect to see the light. Because dark is dark. Night is night. ‘This too shall pass’ is a truism that doesn’t necessarily take into consideration how long the tunnel is.


Lesson Three: Music

A song can save me. For example, ‘You’re Gonna Be Ok’ by Brian & Jenn Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY


Lesson Four: Nature

Receive the comfort of nature, whether it’s the companionship of pets; the singing of crickets or pied fantails; the colour of sky, the green of pine, or the smell of cut grass.


Lesson Five: Health

This is precisely the time NOT to stop any healthy habits to do with eating and exercising. Good nutrition is a godsend, and pushing my body to its limits, sweating it out, can be a great release.

(Screaming into a pillow is also a great rage-releaser, very handy if you don’t want to alarm the neighbours, but not very kind to your voice box.)


Lesson Six: Prayer

Ask for help. Especially for prayer. It need only be from one or two friends, but it helps. Don’t know how – in my four decades of being a Jesus follower, the mystery of love and prayer has only grown deeper – but praying friends have buoyed me up like a life-saving jacket in a raging river.


Lesson Seven: Share

Even if we’re not specifically asking for help or prayer, talk to someone. Maybe I won’t be able to offload the whole kit and caboodle, but being absolutely honest about one aspect of the struggle will give me the space to breath and keep going.


Lesson Eight: Fears

Name the fears. Fears have a special debilitating power over us while we don’t recognize them. But, once we can see them, we can start figuring out where they come from, and spot them before they actually pounce.


Lesson Nine: Let it all out

Don’t be ‘too religious’ for God when alone together. Drop the mask. Let it all out. Yes, this includes our worst language, the shouting, the swearing, every doubt, every accusation. He can take it all. Of course He can. He really, really can.


After all, He meets us where we are, not where we’re not.






Photo: A moment of serenity

Confessions of a hypocrite


Watch where you’re going

Ever experience this: You’re showing a friend around the neighbourhood. They’re on the tallish side, so you warn them of an overhanging beam of wood. “Mind your head,” you say as you’re walking along.

Whereupon: SQUaa-eeeLLCH! One foot skids on a pile of dog poop.

So focused on letting someone else know about an approaching danger, we forget to watch our own step.

Occasionally (as in, most of the time, if I were more honest and less of a hypocrite), I feel like this after writing or public speaking. Case in point:

Missing the moment

Click here: https://crackedceiling.blog/2018/05/23/be-the-one-watching/
Or here: https://medium.com/@annvanwijgerden/be-the-one-watching-7b4452744c1a

This was a blog post warning about the risks of being so busy taking photos, so driven to digitally capture the moment, that we miss the actual moment itself.

Well, I might not be one for taking pictures right, left and centre…
(Unless there happens to be a well presented cappuccino, dessert, startling sunset, or colorful insect.)
… But I do miss the moment in other ways.

Comfort and distraction

To be more precise: I AVOID the moment, the awkward moments, the sad moments.
I’m starting to realize how I use the internet to sidestep confrontation.

I also reach for my phone for COMFORT.

Such easy access to instant comfort; instant distraction.
Scrolling through other people’s lives diverts my thoughts immediately.
Likes and hearts puff up my sinking ego, sooth my distress, evaporate my self-doubts.

Automatic reaction

The foot-in-the-poop alarm bells went off recently:
A friend had just told me some very sad news about one of their relatives.
Within minutes, (was it even within seconds?!?) what did I do?
As if by instinct, I reached for my phone and was diving into Facebook for distraction and comfort.

No one around me could see what I was looking at. I could have been checking for a taxi, for messages from family, for the time, or an important email, for all they knew.
The shame of the fatuousness, the inappropriateness of my action would probably have stopped me if those around me could have seen what I was seeing.

But I knew.
And, as soon as I was doing it, it stunk. To high heaven.

Escape hatch

And, if anything, this is worse than missing the moments, the good moments.

This is dumbing down my life.
This is numbing the pain.
So I don’t have to feel.
So I don’t have to think.

Do you recognize this? Or am I the only one so foolish as to allow a handheld device to constantly be my escape hatch?

Power vacuum

In the meantime, as, more and more frequently, we abdicate from reality – what will fill the void we leave behind?

And, taking this line of thought to its logical conclusion, wouldn’t an unthinking, unquestioning society filled with non-present individuals tend to present a nice, juicy vacuum for power hungry individuals to fill?

Time out

I need a Time Out:
Time to pause and reflect;
unplugged from the internet.
(Google can also wait.)

I wanna take a good look at the proverbial poop and say,

O-oh! NOT going there!



Voiceless or silent

PUBmay23.2 copy

Filipino society: voiceless or silent.

The majority are the one,
the majority of the rest are the other.

Voiceless or silent.
Because we live in our own separate realities,
and cannot,
or will not,
cross into the reality of the other.



Photo: the skies cry out even if we don’t

Be the one watching


Do you ever feel like we’re trapped inside the pages of a wild fantasy novel, a waking nightmare, or a ‘Black Mirror’ episode?

‘Black Mirror’

It’s a prophetic voice from the media/entertainment world. Too close to home for comfort.
Offering up disturbing images and ideas of a bizarre future, disturbing precisely because they are bizarrely close to reality.

In many ways, ‘Black Mirror’ follows in the time-honoured footsteps of science fiction literature: imagining a future with all its repercussions for the present. (George Orwell’s ‘1984’ and C.S. Lewis’s ‘That Hideous Strength’ should be required reading for all sentient beings.)

I hesitate to call myself a ‘Black Mirror’ addict, as that might imply enjoyment. But I am impressed with the imagination and the warning. Binge viewing may be a temptation for anything else on Netflix, but not with ‘Black Mirror’. Personally, I dose viewing to a SINGLE episode WHEN I have the stamina; 2 episodes end to end: NOT a good idea.

And I wonder if the writers read news headlines, thinking, “Shucks! We’re too late with that storyline, it’s already happening!”

Capturing life

One example of a ‘Black Mirror’-episode-seemingly-come-to-life is our current tendency to view reality through a screen. We’re so busy capturing life, there’s no time to watch it.

Think of the scenes last Saturday of the newlyweds Meghan and Harry riding in their open coach through Windsor. Through a forest of phones. Thousands upon thousands of phones, cameras, tablets.

I would love to ask the royal couple who they actually had eye contact with. Mostly with the very young and very old? Did nearly everybody else have their eyes glued on their screens?

I would love to ask folks from that crowd if they thought about putting down their handheld devices to simply watch Meghan and Harry passing by. Or is there a fear of missing the moment: it has to be recorded in order to be relived and relived again.

But was it ever lived in the first place?

Is the irony, the tragedy, that we have already missed the moment in our efforts to capture it?

Be the one watching

And are we approaching a ‘Black Mirror’ point in society where we’re so accustomed to viewing life through our screens that we start to feel naked and vulnerable without them?

That we start to fear actual eye contact?

Have we even passed that point?

Dare we see screenless?

Let’s not miss the moment passing by.



Photo: How about screenless viewing?


Trying to outwit the Almighty

PUB.trying to outwitJPG

Have a read of the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 22, verses 15 – 46 in this light:

Jesus: 5
Pharisees & Sadducees: 0

Those Pharisees and Sadducees, right, do they genuinely have no idea Who they’re messing with? Would that explain their determination to trip Him up?

Or do they instinctively suspect Who He is, but simply cannot and/or will not accept it? Instead, they keep at it, desperate to prove Him wrong.

Am I, by any chance, also guilty of such absurd thinking?
“God, You don’t understand anything about money matters.”
“God, You have no idea about human relationships.”
“God, You cannot grasp the concept of eternity.”
“In fact, God, Your theology is way off!”

Why do I do this? Because I’m feeling out of my depth and am thrashing around, trying to have some sense of control and significance?
Or simply because I have such a long way still to go, figuring out even a glimmer of Who God truly is, or what He’s actually like?

In their blind determination to embarrass Jesus, those religious leader chaps end up embarrassing themselves. Of course.
In fact, that’s what eventually shuts them up, at least in their public attempts at tricking Him: Pride – they don’t want to risk losing face yet again.

However, in their hearts their hostility is far from over: they are plotting nothing less than His complete destruction.

Public, manipulative trickery or secret, murderous intentions, God knows what humankind is capable of, and continues on His way, with a doggedness of His own, to save us from ourselves.